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View Full Version : Why do people need to be so petty?



marymoon
September 7th, 2011, 02:26 PM
I know I don't post as often as I should here but I do read/lurk every day & feel like I know all of you. :)

Do any of you doing this as a business, whether you have a shop or working out of your home, have trouble with local competition? I tend to be fairly non-competitive as this is more of a hobby I can make some extra vacation money with rather than a full-fledged business that I depend on to put food on my table. I also work with a close friend who makes cakes/cupcakes and we've been fairly successful in the past year that we've been in business simply from word of mouth.

We have an acquaintance from our kids' school that also makes cakes/cupcakes - no cookies. Her cakes are all buttercream with cut-out fondant accents and fairly simple, but still cute. My friend & business partner's cakes are all carved, shaped, fondant cakes with a high level of skill. Needless to say, this acquaintance is fairly jealous of our business, even though she is personal friends with many of the teachers at our elementary school and has their business for cakes locked up.

This person can. not. stand. when our Facebook page gets more 'likes' than hers. Every time we pass her number, she heavily promotes a contest promising free cupcakes to whoever gets the most referrals. I'm totally fine with giveaways and have done this myself once we reached 200 likes, but this person gets under my skin because it's so obvious that she only does it to so she can brag she has more fans. This time, however, she's contacting mutual friends and asking them to 'unlike' my Facebook page! Seriously?!? Someone clued me in this morning and sure enough, I'm down a couple of fans from yesterday. Now, my self-esteem isn't tied up in this but it's totally annoying!

If any of you have dealt with this kind of juvenile crap, how did you react? I'm trying to just look the other way & be the bigger person but it's really annoying that she's actively trying (and succeeding!) to lower our numbers. This woman is 40 years old acting like she's 12! Ugh.

Linda
September 7th, 2011, 03:09 PM
<<I'm trying to just look the other way & be the bigger person>>

Annoying yes, but this will get you alot farther in the long run, and you'll sleep better at night!

cindy58
September 7th, 2011, 03:17 PM
Well, I just tried to "like" you and found out that I already do! (I don't spend much time on Facebook.)

Hopefully, folks will prefer to order from the "grown up" cake and cookiers rather than the "juvenile" one!

Ruth D
September 7th, 2011, 03:29 PM
She obviously has larger issues than what you see.

If mutual friends are following her request to "unlike" your page, let them GO! It's just a number. The true fans of your work will continue to "like" your page and will continue to visit your page regularly.

The Cookie Corner AZ
September 7th, 2011, 03:30 PM
Wow! FB can really bring out the UGLY in some people! Sounds very "high school". I would just keep smiling and ignore the "silly" behavior of the other gal.

focadima
September 7th, 2011, 03:31 PM
petty--yes, but some people just need the constant praise to feel good about what they do.

I know my cookies are well thought out and taste good to boot!--I get enough orders to keep me busy on top of my regular job. I dont have time for the "I am more liked then you are..." obviously people like me if they order my cookies :)

So Cute Cookies
September 7th, 2011, 03:41 PM
I think its best to take the high road and ignore all her pettiness and let your work speak for itself. She is obviously very insecure and jealous and you can't let on that it bothers you, that just brings you down to her level. Keep your head high, ignore her juvenile antics and you will come out on top.
Kris

bakermum
September 7th, 2011, 03:47 PM
Have just replaced one of your unlike with a brand new like !!! Your "competion" obviously feels threatened...Id say that was a pretty high compliment !!!! Love your cookies by the way !!

So Cute Cookies
September 7th, 2011, 03:57 PM
I just liked you on Facebook too! Super cute cookies...:)
Kris

amycakes
September 7th, 2011, 04:48 PM
If people are "unliking" you because this lady told them to, honestly I would not even want their buisness. I know it's hard but I'd probably just try to be the bigger person and not let it effect you. You don't want to lower your standards and end up being petty like her for revenge.
I can't access facebook at work but I'll "like" you when I get home :)

susies1955
September 7th, 2011, 04:56 PM
I just liked you on Facebook too!
Nothing like helping someone I don't know get pissed. LOL.
I'd like to know who this other person is so I can see If I like them and I would UNLIKE them. HA HA HA HA.
Susie

Anita1956
September 7th, 2011, 05:24 PM
If any of you have dealt with this kind of juvenile crap, how did you react? I'm trying to just look the other way & be the bigger person but it's really annoying that she's actively trying (and succeeding!) to lower our numbers. This woman is 40 years old acting like she's 12! Ugh.

Mary, I'm no therapist, and I don't play one on TV, but my initial suspicion is that this has very little to do with cakes and cupcakes and a lot more to do with this individual's personal insecurities as a person in general. There's something very sad about it all and it's unfortunate but when one person with a strong personality behaves like this they can pull other people along. To the extent that you can I say laugh it all off for the childish behavior it is and then ignore it. You do wonderful work and don't let this situation rob you of the joy of expressing your creativity. That's my two cents thrown in with the rest of the change :)

CookieDaydream
September 7th, 2011, 06:00 PM
my last status message on my cookie facebook page was that this cookie quest seems like a popularity contest. like your not-friend, i see that to "make it" in bakable art we have to have followers and likes in measurable numbers to impress someone. unlike your not-friend, however, i think that approach is lame. seems like to make a name for myself i have to first be namedropped on sweetopia's blog or something, or if i work really really really hard, i might get to meet the famous people [i'm looking at you martha stewart] that made me think "that's it? i can make cooler cookies" i really dont know what it takes to catch the eyes that need catching. i certainly wouldnt take aim at anyone like she did.
i have pretty low numbers online, and probably one order a month. but in person, everyone asks how the cookie business is doing, and wants me to succeed. that support means more to me than numbers. hard to put on a resume though...
kat williams said (i'm paraphrasing) "if you got 13 b*tches hating on you, you better figure out how to get to 20 by the end of summer" :) and my mom says "take the money and run" :D

lisa k
September 7th, 2011, 07:04 PM
I have to agree with Ruth & Anita. Hang in there.

Thyjuan
September 8th, 2011, 01:22 AM
Well, I just tried to "like" you and found out that I already do! (I don't spend much time on Facebook.)

Hopefully, folks will prefer to order from the "grown up" cake and cookiers rather than the "juvenile" one!

Why did we BOTH do the same thing! LOL!!! Well at least you know we've got your back! :-)

Thyjuan
September 8th, 2011, 01:26 AM
kat williams said (i'm paraphrasing) "if you got 13 b*tches hating on you, you better figure out how to get to 20 by the end of summer" :) and my mom says "take the money and run" :D

YOU CRACK ME UP KATIE!!!!!!! And you're also righ!

Obviously Mary, you're doing something right to keep her on her toes. Just do you and if you get an occasional spark in you, give her a run for her money for a while. Hee, hee! ;-)

marymoon
September 8th, 2011, 01:35 AM
I appreciate everyone's replies - I will certainly stay on the high road, do the mature thing and look the other way but I have to admit, a very small, petty and childish part of me wants to be high school right back! She's tried to make cookies before & I pointed out some tutorial websites (sweetopia, et al) but she couldn't make them look like mine and wanted me to teach her. As if!!!

Anita, I think you're right on the money and that's exactly what one of my dear friends observed yesterday when we spoke about it. We figured she's just an extremely unhappy person with self-esteem issues and if having more fans than I do makes her happy then so be it.

I really appreciate everyone who took the time to read my little rant or weighed in with a comment or went & 'liked' my page! I soooo didn't post in an attempt to try & drive up the numbers, but I'm glad you did! ;) I feel better just getting it off my chest to other cookers.

Susie, if you were closer I'd take you to lunch! ;p

~Beth

marymoon
September 8th, 2011, 01:48 AM
Katie,

I just looked at your cookies on your blog and they are awesome! Where's your cookie FB page 'cause I want to 'like' it! And I have to agree with you on the name-dropping thing. I don't really post enough, I don't think, to draw a huge following like that anyway.

CindyW
September 8th, 2011, 01:56 AM
Good for you! Take the high road. Anyone who unlikes your page doesn't deserve
your beautiful cookies!
I went to like your page, but I'm already a fan!!!

cookieriabymargaret
September 8th, 2011, 02:38 AM
So many nice people in the blogsphere and facebook! People we don't even know are nice to us -- this lady must be a real troubled person to act like that!! Just say a prayer to her and forget about it! I also liked your Facebook page! Loved your cookies and the ninja is so cute... and those cakes your friend make are a load of work aren't they?

Sweet Creations by Debbie
September 8th, 2011, 03:58 AM
As sad as it is, I have had similar issues with my mother-in-law. We took the wilton classes together. I thought it was for fun, but to her it was apparently a competition. So at every family function, she insisted on doing the cake, and whenever I'd attempt to see if I could help or we could do it together, she'd get all standoffish. That was when I started getting into cookies and eventually decided to only do cookies, giving up on ever having the opportunity to make a cake. (Now of course, I love doing cookies so much more than cakes!) So I started bringing cookies to the parties and everyone fell in love with them. So suddenly my mother-in-law saw the praise I was getting for them and insisted she would make the cookies for the next event (even though she'd never decorated cookies in her life). When they didn't turn out so well, she kept trying to get me to teach her all that I had spent so many hours learning from lots of research and trial & error. Eventually it frustrated me to the point of sharing how I felt, thinking that it was better to try to resolve it with her than carry a continuing resentment toward her. In short, it blew up in my face and she turned pretty much the whole family against me. So if I were you, Mary, I definitely wouldn't initiate a fight with her. If she's this "high school" without any instigation, can you imagine what a brat she would be if you fought back?

I was reading the responses here and it totally describes my mother-in-law. She was so insecure that she saw me getting praise for my cookies and felt she had to get that as well.

Which brings me to another point I've said before but I have to say again: I love how supportive everyone is of each other here. There isn't competition and people don't tear other people down to make themselves feel better. It's refreshing after dealing with so many people in my life who are like that.

frostedbylesley
September 8th, 2011, 04:39 AM
I love everyone's advice and support, too. And because I have a passive aggressive streak in me, I would take this one step further and do a shout out link to the non-friend's FB. "Have you checked out xxxx's page? What beautiful work! Give her some love!"

And I will neither confirm nor deny whether I've done this in the past.

marymoon
September 8th, 2011, 04:53 AM
I love everyone's advice and support, too. And because I have a passive aggressive streak in me, I would take this one step further and do a shout out link to the non-friend's FB. "Have you checked out xxxx's page? What beautiful work! Give her some love!"

And I will neither confirm nor deny whether I've done this in the past.

LOL! I have intentionally posted comments on her FB page with my Decorated Desserts profile (I really try not to do this a a rule) but nothing so pointed. When she first started her page I even promoted her on my personal FB as well as my cookie one but never got reciprocation. Not that I ake for one, but still, ya know? She did offer to let me advertise on her webpage for 20% of sales...

marymoon
September 8th, 2011, 04:54 AM
Debbie,

I'm so sorry you had to deal with this from within your own family. What is wrong with people?!? ((hugs))

marymoon
September 8th, 2011, 04:56 AM
Why did we BOTH do the same thing! LOL!!! Well at least you know we've got your back! :-)

I love how supportive everyone is here! It's nice knowing that we certainly can count on other cookiers to get our back when we need it! You guys rock!

barbieitch
September 8th, 2011, 05:21 AM
I am so sorry for both of you, Marymoon and Debbie. Sometimes people are just jerks! I can't understand why anyone would do that. On my FB page I have a lot of our fellow cookiers here as my likes. I actually had someone comment that they liked the way I promoted other cookiers. I think there is enough people to go around and nobody should be competing with other people. I love showing off not only my stuff but others work as well. I brag on a few of you too. I'm also addicted to a few of the blogs from you all. Oh, I also liked your page Marymoon! I love that Ninja guy!

DippinPops
September 8th, 2011, 06:40 AM
It is sad that adults would behave that way. One day maybe those people that she approached will think about what a crappy thing that was to do, and un-like her as well, or think twice about giving her their business. Hugs to you, and you too Debbie - it must be frustrating to put up with that at the family level, where you should have the most support!

Ruth D
September 8th, 2011, 01:23 PM
She did offer to let me advertise on her webpage for 20% of sales...

Hahahhahahaa....YEAH....RIGHT! I'm sure you jumped on that!!

Sweet Creations by Debbie
September 8th, 2011, 03:52 PM
Hugs to you, and you too Debbie - it must be frustrating to put up with that at the family level, where you should have the most support!

Thanks, you guys. I appreciate the hugs. And I totally agree.

cindy58
September 8th, 2011, 04:41 PM
Debbie, how sad that your MIL is such a poop.

My in laws decorate cookies along with me as family fun activities and always sing praises, but we don't sell cookies -- they're all for us and friends.

cookielove
September 8th, 2011, 05:59 PM
I cannot believe that people are so petty. That is really pathetic! Like others have said, it's about more than just cookies if they are resorting to that kind of behavior! And oh my gosh, Debbie, I can't believe your own MIL would be like that!!! Hugs to both you ladies!!

Donna Bailey
September 8th, 2011, 06:41 PM
Well, if this gal is going to such lengths to surpass you.........it keeps her off of someone else's back! See, how much you are helping the world! lol......... you only have to look yourself in the mirror each morning and answer to the Almighty...so do what you know is right and you'll be fine! (I already "Like" your FB page, too! ;o) )

frostedbylesley
September 8th, 2011, 07:20 PM
As sad as it is, I have had similar issues with my mother-in-law. We took the wilton classes together. I thought it was for fun, but to her it was apparently a competition. So at every family function, she insisted on doing the cake, and whenever I'd attempt to see if I could help or we could do it together, she'd get all standoffish. That was when I started getting into cookies and eventually decided to only do cookies, giving up on ever having the opportunity to make a cake. (Now of course, I love doing cookies so much more than cakes!) So I started bringing cookies to the parties and everyone fell in love with them. So suddenly my mother-in-law saw the praise I was getting for them and insisted she would make the cookies for the next event (even though she'd never decorated cookies in her life). When they didn't turn out so well, she kept trying to get me to teach her all that I had spent so many hours learning from lots of research and trial & error. Eventually it frustrated me to the point of sharing how I felt, thinking that it was better to try to resolve it with her than carry a continuing resentment toward her. In short, it blew up in my face and she turned pretty much the whole family against me. So if I were you, Mary, I definitely wouldn't initiate a fight with her. If she's this "high school" without any instigation, can you imagine what a brat she would be if you fought back?

I was reading the responses here and it totally describes my mother-in-law. She was so insecure that she saw me getting praise for my cookies and felt she had to get that as well.

Which brings me to another point I've said before but I have to say again: I love how supportive everyone is of each other here. There isn't competition and people don't tear other people down to make themselves feel better. It's refreshing after dealing with so many people in my life who are like that.

Debbie, ditto to what the others have said. Your MIL is a piece of work! Are you no longer on speaking terms with her over this nonsense?

Sweet Creations by Debbie
September 8th, 2011, 09:19 PM
Debbie, ditto to what the others have said. Your MIL is a piece of work! Are you no longer on speaking terms with her over this nonsense?

I avoided her for a few months and although I don't feel any differently towards her, she's decided to pretend it didn't happen, so it seems that we are expected to as well. Luckily we don't see them very often, although they've never been very actively involved with our family. Oh, family...

So Cute Cookies
September 9th, 2011, 05:11 PM
I just saw a great a quote on FB and thought it was very fitting for this thread!

"Just remember...if people are talking about you behind your back, that means you're one step ahead of them :)"

Kris

focadima
September 9th, 2011, 05:31 PM
"Like"

marymoon
September 10th, 2011, 03:28 AM
I just saw a great a quote on FB and thought it was very fitting for this thread!

"Just remember...if people are talking about you behind your back, that means you're one step ahead of them :)"

Kris

Love it!!! :)

Beckybiscuit
September 11th, 2011, 05:23 AM
I actually liked your page yesterday I think, but I got on there today and posted a proper hello from me! (Beccas Biscuits) I have quite a few people on my personal profile who enjoy looking at all the creative cookie pages so you will probably get a few more likes too ;)

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, its so immature and petty, rest assured that you are the better person :)

CindyW
September 11th, 2011, 12:25 PM
I actually liked your page yesterday I think, but I got on there today and posted a proper hello from me! (Beccas Biscuits) I have quite a few people on my personal profile who enjoy looking at all the creative cookie pages so you will probably get a few more likes too ;)

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, its so immature and petty, rest assured that you are the better person :)

Becky, your work is beautiful, I 'liked' your page too!

Adrienne
September 17th, 2011, 05:27 PM
I just "liked" your facebook page!! So sorry that you are having issues!! I agree with the masses here that ignore her.



sugarcookiesbyA@blogspot.com

susies1955
September 17th, 2011, 06:23 PM
Adrienne,
If that is suppose to be your blog address it doesn't work but I found you and I'm going to follow you.
LOVE your cookies. :)
Susie

Adrienne
September 17th, 2011, 07:47 PM
Thanks Susie, I fixed it!!
Adrienne

susies1955
September 17th, 2011, 08:01 PM
You still have it wrong Adrienne. It is a DOT not an AT symbol. Like this: http://www.sugarcookiesbya.blogspot.com/
:)
Susie

CindyW
September 17th, 2011, 08:41 PM
Found your blog too, I'm a new follower!
Love your cookies!